Friday, October 27, 2006

Birthday Note to Myself

My Love may die before morning.
But I have been with her for eight years.
There is no way I could be cheated if I didn't
have her for another day.
I didn't deserve her for one minute, God Knows.

And I may die before morning.

What I must do is die TODAY.
I must accept the justice of death and
the injustice of more "life."
I have had a good life -
joyous and longer than many, better than most.
Junthip* died when she was twenty six.
I have had thirty years.
I couldn't justify another day.
I did not create myself, it is a gift.
I am me, that is the miracle.
I had no right to remain a single hour.
Some remain a single minute.
And yet I have had thirty years.

Few consciously choose when they will die.
I choose to accept death now.
As of this moment I give up my "right" to live.
And I give up my "right" to her life.

But it's morning.
Within my hands is another day to listen and to love
and walk and glory.
I am here for another day.

I think of those who aren't.

What does it mean to be here?
What does it mean to have FRIENDS?
What does it mean to get dressed, to have a meal, to work?
What does it mean to come home?
What is difference between the living and the dead?

I sometimes wonder if the "dead" are not more present,
more comfort, more here than most of the living.

Today I want to do things to be doing them,
not to be doing something else.
I don't want to paddle to get there,
be there to make themjoy,
or study to "keep abreast".

I don't want to do things to sell myself on myself.
I don’t want to do nice things for people
so that I will be "nice".
I don't want to work to make money,
I want to work to work.

Today I don’t' want to live for,
I want to live.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Jitu cha.


Note excerpted from Book,"Note to Myself" by Hugh Prather and rearranged

5 comments:

KabiG said...

Belated Happy Birthday Jiten..

Srijana said...

Belated happy Birthday Jiten dai. Many many happy returns of the day.

luv,
Srijana

bashu said...

dear jiten,

Never feel that you are being older. You are being mature and learning many things than ever. As far as the concern of "Sunshine" we all are guest on this earth and nobody has time to take care of others. So let them go to finish their task and achieve their goal. Give thanks to her for leaving sweet memory on your life. Never feel that you are alone in this world. We all are behind you.

Happy birthday with late fee..

basu

Anonymous said...

Dear Jiten

Have a wonderful birthday - not only for celebrating on this day but celebrating and rejoicing throughout the year.

I know you are the gems of this world. You can make it. I am always with you.

Thanks to mum who gave me wonderful brother. Once again Happy Birthday to you.

Surya di

Jiten said...

Dearest Surya di,

Of course, celebrating every single day as Birthday is better way to make life worth living and make it most. I always believe in treating each new dawn with new hopes and zeal. Thank you for wishing me wonderful birthday, my each day throughout the year and counting me as a "GEM".

Well I am just a simple soul and I won't dampen my desire to be positive in any cost. I know for sure,that there is a giant in every person, and nothing can get this giant down unless that giant is kept down by himself, so let me fear not for the future, weep not for the past.

And you know what! It's priceless to have a sister like you around, who never doubt my endurance, never pause to have faith.. always supporting and encouraging. And I guess this is more than any brother on earth could ask for, to his 'Ma'.

Thank you so much Kabita, Sis Srijana and Bashu for your good wishes.

Lotta love.

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